eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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