I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
