yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize