Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
