she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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