Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
