So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
