i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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