I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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