Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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