Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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