Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
