You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
