All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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