Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
