toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
