dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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