Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
