Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
