I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
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