so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
