I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
