he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
