my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
