You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
