Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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