He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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