so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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