Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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