I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
