Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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