You're completely useless in the revolution.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
