is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
