smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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