So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
