Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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