It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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