i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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