I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
