I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
