I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
