How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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