At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
