We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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