I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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