OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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