I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
