woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
