everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
