Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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