we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
