I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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