id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
