i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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