I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
