Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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