3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
