I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
