We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
