At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
