I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
