i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
