My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
