I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
