Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He shit in the fireplace
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
