Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
