Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize