Duck Duck Cougar?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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