make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
