Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
